Creating Self-Directed Behavior in Your Toddler

Developmentally, your toddler is beginning to emerge as an independent little person, also very much in need of reliable connection to you. Finding ways to balance those two factors while remaining responsive and supportive of the developmental changes are the challenges of this period in parenting. Parents who continue to control and orchestrate every event for the toddler are removing an important learning opportunity.

Of course, we adults realize that we are making pretty much all the significant decisions in the toddler's life. However, the many small, daily choices that are present are wonderful windows of learning, if you are aware of them and take advantage of them. The ability to discern preferences, beginning with tiny distinctions, like the degree of darkness in the child's room for sleeping, can set the tone for including the child in decision-making. This grows into more and more participation and input as the child becomes older. Asking for feedback, listening to it, and incorporating it into the daily rhythms are important patterns for the toddler to experience.

Self-directed behavior requires checking in with self first. Toddlerhood is an optimum age at which to model and teach this skill. It has lifelong value, and can be built open at every stage of development. Self-directed behavior precedes other more sophisticated self-modulating techniques that are key to socialization. These skills are valuable for life.

Support for identifying where you are most skilled, as well as areas where you may need help is available to you in individual sessions or convenient packages now available at http://www.babyshaman.com

Don't hesitate to explore the potential of your best possible parenting!

Ingrid Johnson

The Baby Parenting Coach

303.776.8100

Experience Yourself As a Great Parent

What's possible for you as a parent?

Have you thought about the options?

Will you access your authentic 'voice' as you evolve and explore?

Do you feel as if you could do better?

Do you feel overwhelmed with all the choices, or with differences with your partner?

How would it feel to experience yourself as a great parent?

What's possible?

I'm offering sample coaching sessions to help you tap into the compelling, irresistible vision you have (even if it's buried!) of yourself as a great parent. Together we will discover some of the qualities that are important to you. I'll help you compile a "mini toolbox" of strategies for accessing these qualities when you feel challenged, overwhelmed, and not in touch with yourself as a great parent.

Free, VERY limited time offer of intro 45 minute sessions now scheduling. Call 303.776.8100 or email babyparentingcoach@gmail.com today

See yourself as a great parent, learn to develop the skills that will take you there.

Ingrid Johnson

The Baby Parenting Coach

303.776.8100

http://www.babyshaman.com/

babyparentingcoach.blogspot.com

Your 'Parenting Style'?

Where did it come from?


How does it evolve?


Why does it matter?





Today the gamut of choices in how to parent your baby range from 'attachment' parenting to turning over your infant to full time childcare at age 6 weeks. Every imaginable variation in between is evident, with stay-at-home dads, nanny-sharing, parents who work from home, grandparents who raise babies, and many other adaptations.



Finding your 'parenting style' can be daunting. Because being a parent is a uniquely multi-layered undertaking, your choices for parenting will affect you, your child, your family, and the rest of us in ways that are difficult to fully comprehend at the start. Some time in the distant future, if you have the opportunity and inclination, you may look back and reflect on the underlying patterns and behaviors you helped create. Most of us are so involved in dealing with the immediate aspects of becoming a parent ("Am I really completely responsible for this tiny, dependent being? I'm scared, overwhelmed, clueless. Why don't I instinctively know what to do? Who left ME in charge?) we seldom fully explore our fears and insecurities that get triggered.



In an ideal world, when contemplating becoming parents, you would set aside plenty of time to spend with friends and family who are parents, experience and explore the different approaches, try on what feels authentic to you, and mindfully, and in complete agreement with your partner, choose what would work best for you. Then when your baby entered the world, you would smoothly and seamlessly implement that plan. Needless to say, that is far from what happens for most of us.



Reality looks more like taking wishes and dreams you have about how you'd like to parent, compressing them into your real lifestyle (you and your partner may or may not agree on key parenting issues, you may have taken a parenting class and resonated with the approach or not, your reading may have offered some interesting options). Some combination of resources and choices land you in the orientation where you start your parenting experience. Throw in the unpredictability of the individual baby's temperament (which may be entirely different than siblings!), and you are in a fairly 'wing it' mode.



You can see how being flexible can greatly increase your odds for success. How comfortable are you with trying something that was not in your original plan? Where do you go for resources to find a different approach, if your current one is not working so well? How do you keep track of what you may want to implement when you are overwhelmed, tired, and stressed?



It's easy to see that an effective 'parenting style' requires both a high degree of flexibility and a keen self-awareness. It's a work in progress, and if your parenting style is not continuously evolving, it probably is not working very well. There are no concrete plans or programs for effectively raising a child. Many valuable resources exist for reference, but your challenge is to manifest your own unique 'parenting style' that is authentic and effective for you, your baby, and your family.



The more clarity you have about your own values and beliefs, your partner's values and beliefs, how they mesh and how they don't, and what your various support mechanisms are, the better you start. With that, ongoing support and flexibility are key.



My intro CD "OMG! I'm A Parent!!" discusses these concepts and others. It's available at my website http://www.babyshaman.com/

Ongoing individualized support is available by email and phone. Contact me to hear about the 'spring start' special for March.

Ingrid Johnson

303.776.8100

http://www.babyshaman.com/

Powerful Babies

Self-expression in one who is not yet verbal has to assume some other mode. Learning your baby's cues and responding to them effectively can make parenting a much more pleasant experience. For a young baby, responding promptly usually means the physical need of being held (assuming hunger and clothing have already been addressed). If your baby is successful in connecting with you and getting you to act on her behalf, she will have overcome her helplessness.

When we are not able to identify the particular need of our baby in a given moment, we can still validate her choice of how she feels at that moment, and connect with love, affection, and understanding. This is a large part of what being a parent to an infant is about - making yourself available to another who is physically very limited in her ability to take care of her own needs.

There is an enormous amount of misinformation available to parents about 'teaching' babies to comfort themselves. As they get older, children gradually use more words instead of cues or crying. As a parent, it's pure wisdom to understand and encourage this. Your child deserves to be taught that it is okay to express physical and emotional pain. An emotional pattern for her lifetime is created by how you respond to her while she's a baby.

Your Baby's Brain

From birth to age 3, profound changes and growth are occurring in your baby's brain. Developmentally, every 3 years is a marked cycle of changes and types of growth. I believe if we all knew what the 0-3 growth was really about, we would be more selective in the environments we create for our babies.

It's a pretty good analogy to say that your baby is like a 'sponge' at these ages, and developmentally, taking in everything in her surroundings is part of the plan. "Pruning" of brain synapses happens, with or without our input. For optimum brain development, reducing or eliminating negative stress for your baby is a huge gift you can give. This means minimizing sensory overload, modulating loud or new experiences, and develping an awareness of what your baby does and doesn't like to be around.

It's documented with 'hard' science now that if a baby's brain is unduly overloaded with stress, there is a cascade of events that result in your baby actually 'shutting down' and learning that the world is a hostile, unfriendly environment. The cumulative effect of these kinds of experiences result in a young child out of touch with her own internal feedback. It sets up young children to be dependent entirely on outside sources for making decisions about what they need and want (easy to see how this can be a precursor to a lifetime of eating disorders, substance abuse, behavioral difficulties, etc.)

Please educate yourself as a parent about the extremely dynamic growth happening in your baby's brain. Your choices in how you interact and the environments that you create for her will shape her lifelong experience.

Your Baby, Your Self

As you become a parent and begin to understand the lifelong ramifications, you may also observe opportunities to grow yourself as a person. Our child give us many chances, in many different settings, to observe our own choices of our behaviors and reactions.

Of course, our own child's behaviors trigger us at times. She may exhibit a pattern or habit that we don't like in ourselves. He may somehow remind us of a relative or person we have memories of, and that may be pleasant, joyful, sad, or annoying. Every time such an event comes up, it's a chance to choose what we do.

Many parents revert to the pattern established by their own parenting. Others have studied approaches that may have appealed to them, and are trying to implement those. Some are influenced by friends and peers, others allow their own parenting style to emerge as they meet their baby.

The choices today in parenting styles are many. How do you choose the way that is right for you? What do you do if the way you have chosen isn't working?

How do you best use parenting to grow yourself as a person? The results you experience are very much up to you. Having excellent support increases the chances of the outcome being what you desire.

Ingrid Johnson
THE Baby Parenting Coach
303.776.8100
babyparentingcoach@gmail.com
www.BabyShaman.cmo

Parenting - The 'Irrational' Vocation

If you saw an ad for a position that was exhausting, caused discomfort, took up most of your time, and involved risk (during pregnancy and childbirth), would you be excited about getting into the job?

When you decide to become a parent, you sign up for all that, as well as all the rewarding and heart-warming moments that make up being a parent. The rewards are huge, and so are the challenges. Preparing ahead of time is wonderful, and I encourage you do that. However, the best preparation in the world does not anticipate the unforeseen developments that come with a new baby.

Whether it's a temperament or patterns that are not what you were told about in your parenting class, your baby is almost sure to bring you some unexpected challenges. Also, the predictable pieces can still create stress and discomfort for parents. How you handle this will determine the overall quality of your parenting experience.

Lining up excellent support is a wise decision before your baby is born. Knowing that there is experienced and wise support available is important. Call upon it when you need it.

Ingrid Johnson
THE Baby Parenting Coach
babyparentingcoach@gmail.com
303.776.8100
www.BabyShaman.com

Oh Baby!

Here's a great opportunity to meet me and learn more about the services I offer - The Oh Baby! Baby & Family Expo in Denver on September 27-28.

I'll be there both days, and would love to see you!

If you're in Colorado and have a chance to stop by, please do - Colorado Convention Center in Denver, lots of valuable information, fun, and lots of shopping!

www.ohbabybabyexpo.com


Hope to see you!

Ingrid Johnson
www.BabyShaman.com
303.776.8100
BabyParentingCoach@blogspot.com

Stress, 'corrosive cortisol', and your baby

Highly recommended book for all parents:

Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby's Brain

by Sue Gerhardt

A highly readable and lively book about the neuroscience, psychology, and biochemistry behind the shaping of your baby's nervous system, this book confirms many important correlations between love and brain development. The chapter on 'Corrosive Cortisol' alone makes the book worth reading. Secure emotional attachment is vital for a lifetime of mental and emotional health.

Persistent powerlessness (the very nature of babyhood) and unrelieved, chronic stress are clearly identified as causes of damage to mental and physical health in babies. The importance of tender, protective parenting cannot be stressed enough. However, many parents are so stressed themselves that offering this type of parenting is challenging, to say the least.

The link between emotional insecurity and cortisol dysfunction is clearly documented. Tuning in emotionally and being available to your child is vitally important. Creating optimum support for yourself as a parent is a wise and powerful choice. Ensure that you are available to your child on this level.

Please contact me at

www.BabyShaman.com

for details on how I provide coaching by phone and email for busy parents.

Rewards of Conscious Parenting

Deciding to use parenting as a journey for growth is indeed a wise choice. The many challenges and lessons that come our way in the various stages of parenting create a rich series of opportunities to look at ourselves in new ways.

Our children, even from their very youngest moments, reflect some of our own qualities and trigger some our our most difficult emotions. While most of us experience great joy and wonder looking at our offspring, it isn't long before some pattern emerges that reminds us of something we haven't quite worked out ourselves. That is the prime moment for growth, if we choose to use it. That is the opportunity to reflect on what is being triggered in ourselves, where it originates, what purpose it serves in our present lives, and the choice to release and go forward, or not.

No one talks much about the incredible opportunity for self-examination and growth in child-rearing. Maybe it's because young parents are exhausted, overwhelmed, and accepting what they've been told about the realities of parenting. Still, in those instances where it is welcomed, we have the chance to look at who we are, how we are, and what we might want to edit out of our own behaviors.

For expert and experienced support in being the parent you want to be, contact me at 303.776.8100
Ingrid Johnson
www.BabyShaman.com